Congratulations! Meet your new parents!
by nogardikust
Summary: Roy and Riza finially got married! Riza want's to have children of her own someday but for now she is going to adopt a certain pair of siblings and Roy isn't happy with her choice...
1. Married

**I got this idea for this fan fic from my friend who had a dream about this plot. I hope you all enjoy the first chapter of Congratulations! Meet your new parents. **

Ch 1

"I now pronounce you Husband and Wife. You may kiss the bride"

"It's about damn time!" Hughes yelled. Roy shot a glare towards his best man who was standing in front of the altar steps with a grin from ear to ear. Riza chuckled. She was finally happy. The man she had fallen head over heels in love with was now her husband. Of course it took a few years for him to finally admit his feelings to her but it was well worth the wait. Now she would have Roy all to herself.

"Are you going to kiss her or not? How long have we all waited for this wedding?" Hughes said with a laugh.

"Shut up Hughes! You're ruining the mood!" Roy said sternly. He looked back at Riza who was laughing a bit. She looked gorgeous in that long white wedding dress. Roy grabbed her by the waist and pulled her in closer to him. That's when he kissed her. The whole church erupted with claps as the newlyweds finished their kiss. Roy took Riza by the hand and led her down the steps and up the altar. Now that the ceremony was over it was time to celebrate!

At the reception hall many of the military officials had gathered around the couple to congratulate them on finally getting married. Of course Hughes was all over Roy about finally getting hitched.

"So ya finally did it!"

"Yea…"

"Now all you have to do is make a few kids and become a doting parent like me!!"

"No Hughes I will never become like you… If I do have kids I will teach them to love Miniskirts!! But that is a big IF."

"Did you hear that Riza! It doesn't even seem like Roy wants to have kids!"

"Now I never said that! I-"

"I heard him Hughes. I would love to have kids someday." Riza said with a smile.

Roy began to blush. Sure of course he would like to have kids but… Not right away. First he needed to become Fuhrer. Then he needed to start liking kids. Roy was never fond of children. They were always whining and wanting things.

"Ah, look who finally decided to show up. Hey, Edward!" Hughes yelled as he spotted Edward and Alphonse entering the room.

Ah perfect example of why Roy didn't want kids. Edward Elric. How did his mother handle him? He's so…so rude, vulgar, and most of all he never listens.

"Hey Hughes!" Ed replied with a wave.

"Lieutenant Hawkeye. Congratulations. Sorry we couldn't make it in time to the church… We kind of got side tracked…"

"It was Ed's fault. We were getting off the train and Ed ran into a traveling fruit cart vendor. Well he broke the fruit cart and all the fruit."

"Hey Al! I thought we decided to not tell anyone that!"

"Well we should be honest brother…"

"No!"

"Well looks like you can't even be civilized at a wedding party." Roy chimed in making matters worse.

"Why you!! Just because it's your wedding day doesn't mean that I still won't punch your face in!"

"Ah looking for a fight are we?" Roy said standing up from his chair and looking down at Ed.

"Well if you're asking." Ed said getting ready to roll up his sleeves.

"Well then, at least I'm not short and I can hit my target in the face." Roy said with his famous smirk.

"Why you!! Who are you calling so short that an ant can step on!?" Edward yelled.

"Ah brother!! No don't ruin the wedding!!"

Riza sighed and smiled. She knew that this wouldn't be a normal wedding. Not with her fellow comrades being there. Still it was an interesting reception afterwards. Edward and Roy almost destroyed the whole place, and yet Riza was ok with it.

* * *

The next day Riza awoke to Roy cursing and attempting to make breakfast.

"Damn stove… Alright I'll just cook this food with my flames!" Roy said as he snapped his fingers and small flames erupted under the pan.

"Ha ha whose got the advantage now?" Roy said happily.

Riza laughed. Roy noticed her and almost fell over his own feet. He blushed as Riza began to laugh more.

"Good morning Honey…"

"He he, Good morning dear."

"I uh am making you breakfast." Roy said as he looked down at the burning food erupting into flames.

"Oh No!" Roy exclaimed as he hurriedly tried to put out the fire. He picked up the pan and looked at what was supposed to be pancakes. It was burnt to a crisp. It didn't even look like a pancake. It was all shriveled up and black.

"Well I tried to make breakfast… Turns out that we'll be having burnt crisp things…"

"Aw, it's ok. We can just go out to eat. Thank you for trying. It was very thoughtful." Riza said as she hugged Roy.

"Ok let me get dressed. Then we can have some non burnt food."

Roy nodded. He put the burnt food into the garbage and grabbed his coat. 'Well at least I tried to make food. I feel bad though… I can't cook.' Roy thought.

"Ready to go?" Riza asked as she grabbed her light tan coat and took Roy's hand.

"Uh huh." Roy replied as he opened the door and left their room.

The two were sharing a tiny apartment for now. They really didn't need a bigger house until something better came along or if the family expanded. Whichever one came first. Riza was thinking about the family she wanted to start. She really wanted to have children, but another thought had crossed her mind. Adoption. They could adopt a child or two and then they could have their own. In Riza's mind it was a great way to give back to the less fortunate children that had lost their parents. Riza was going to spring this on Roy during breakfast.

* * *

The two had finished eating and now they were enjoying a nice cup of coffee.

"That was a nice breakfast."

"Yup." Roy said as he sipped on his cup of coffee.

"Don't worry Roy I can teach you how to cook." Riza said with a smile.

"That would be great. Then I wouldn't be burning food."

"Aw… maybe not as often."

'Hey…"

"Ha ha I'm joking. Roy… I was thinking about starting our family."

"Yes… I'm listening." He replied as he set his cup down.

"Instead of having kids of our own right now… I think we should adopt."

"What?"

"Think about it. We would be helping kids with no parents."

"Do you think I am qualified to care for a child?"

"Well… not at the moment, but you will learn. What do you think?"

"I think that if I'm not ready now then we should wait."

"Really? I think it would be a great idea. And I would be there to help you out."

"Well… if you will be there to help me out then I guess we could adopt a child…"

"Thank you!"

"I guess we can go to the orphanage later today and pick out on-"

"Oh well I have already taken care of it. I had two children in mind before I even talked to you about it."

"Wait… you said two. I never agreed to two children. One alone is going to be hard enough… but two?"

"Well they are siblings. If we adopted one we needed to adopt the other. It wouldn't be fair to separate them."

"I guess that makes sense. Alright when do we pick them up?"

"I am awaiting the paperwork to come through the mail. It should be at H.Q. today."

"But we have got two months off for our honeymoon. You mean we have to bring these kid's along?"

"Yup."

"Riza…"

"Don't worry Roy. I am taking care of everything. All you need to do is sign your name on the papers and we will have our children."

"Ok. Well then Let's got to H.Q. to get those papers signed."

* * *

Back at H.Q. Roy refused to sign the papers.

"No. I won't sign them."

"But Roy!"

"No, I didn't know what stunt you were trying to pull up till now. And that is cold Riza. It is very cold. Only one full day of marriage and your trying to make my life a living hell already?! I won't allow it."

"Roy come on now. You are being very unreasonable! You were all for the idea this morning! But now you are refusing! Please. They need some parental guidance and well I already feel like a mother to them…"

"…" Roy sighed he really really didn't want to do this anymore. But if he backed out… then Riza would just keep nagging him and nagging him about it.

"Fine… I'll sign the damn papers… I'm not happy about this though." Roy said crossly as he put his signature down on the paper.

"Thank you darling." Riza said happily as she kissed Roy on his head.

"Well now you can bring them in."

A few minutes later a knock was heard at the door. A stern "Come in" Was heard from inside the Colonel's office.

"You wanted to see us Colonel?"

Roy glared at the boys and had a 'I really hate your gut's' scowl on his face.

"Ah Lieutenant Hawkeye. It's good too see you again. So how is this bastard treating you?" Edward said jokingly.

"Edward, Alphonse… Roy and I have something important to tell you two."

"And what may that be?" Ed replied.

"We have decided to adopt you two."

"What the hell?!"

**Wasn't that interesting? See you all in chapter 2!!**

**Review Please**!!!


	2. Adoption

**Hi everyone! Here is another exciting Chapter! I hope you all enjoy it!! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fma**

Ch 2

"What the Hell?!"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes Alphonse we are quite serious." Riza said happily.

"Yay! Finally I have been waiting so long to be a real family again!!! This is going to be great brother!!"

"How the hell can you say that? Now this Bastard of a Colonel is going to be our father! I'm sorry Lieutenant Hawkeye but we have been on our own for quite some time without parents. And we surely don't need any now. We decline." Edward said folding his arms across his chest.

If there was one thing that he didn't want to happen it was to have Roy Mustang as his father. It would never work out. The two would always be fighting and Ed was sure Roy was against this from the beginning. He just hadn't figured out how Riza had convinced him to agree to such an idea. There was no way the Lieutenant and Colonel would win this time. Ed would make sure of it.

"I'm sorry Edward… But you can't decline. The papers have already been signed."

"By who?"

"Your father."

"Damn it that bastard. He actually signed those damn papers?"

"Yes. Oh he included a letter for you two." Riza said as she handed Hohenheim's letter over to Ed. He began to read the letter out loud.

"Dear Edward and Alphonse,

"If you are reading this letter then you have already heard the good news about being adopted. At first I was a bit hesitant to sign but after realizing that I was never around for most of your lives and that I really am a bad father I felt the need …no I felt obliged to make your lives better. I feel that having some parental guidance in your lives is vital for you two to grow up to be good citizens. Although I feel bad for not thinking of this idea sooner, and while you two were younger. I know you two can most likely take care of yourselves now, but Riza is truly happy to be a mother to you. Please treat them with respect and like you would treat your own Father and Mother. Well this is it. I shall never come in contact with you two again. Have a great rest of your lives.

Hohenheim"

"Gaah!!! Damn old man!!! Treating this Sadistic Colonel like my father!? There's no way in hell I'm calling him Father!" Ed yelled angrily as he ripped up the letter his father had written.

How could he do that? Willingly sign a paper that can control the rest of his life? No there was no way Ed was going to live with Roy. He would get out of it somehow… But it seemed like it was pointless now because everything he threw at Riza she just came up with something better to make it sound like they needed to be with them. Ed didn't want to change his way of living, just because his dumb ass of a father is so incredibly stupid. Ed liked living with his brother. Just the two of them. Of course he missed his mother Trisha dearly but now would he have to call Riza his new mother?

Ed wasn't yet ready to call anyone his mother. It would be wrong… no it would be betrayal to the woman who gave birth to him and his brother. Sure I would love to have a normal family… but I can't get the thoughts of my real mother out of my head. Would she be okay with this? She would want what is best for us… but I feel that this is wrong. Maybe I should just do this for Al. After all he is younger and he has missed a lot of his childhood because he is in that suit of armor. I could just do it for him… Ed thought. He wasn't really sure how this situation should or could be handled but one thing is for sure Roy doesn't want this to happen anymore than Ed does.

"Brother! Why can't you just accept that father has done this for the best?" Al said

"Because Al. I'm 16 years old and I don't need any parental guidance!! We have been on our own for years and we have survived just fine without any parents!"

Roy was with Ed on this one. He is 16 after all. And going through life without people telling you what to do? Roy knew this was going to be difficult but he didn't know how difficult it was actually going to be. He knew Hohenheim meant the best, but the boys had been on their own ever since their mother died. People took care of them but they were a broken family and the brothers only had themselves to look after. As Roy thought Ed was not taking this well at all. He was a hard dog to train; you couldn't put a leash on him and expect him to do what you tell him. He lived off of his own rules and did things his own way. That was the one hard thing about trying to reason with Edward.

As for Alphonse, he loved the idea. Of course what boy wouldn't love getting the chance of starting a new family? Well except Edward… but Al just wanted to be treated like a kid. He hasn't had very much of a chance to actually be a kid. Roy sighed and continued to listen to the arguing brothers. Even though he hated this idea of having Ed as a son, he felt like it was the right thing to do. Even though Roy's life would be miserable for a while, he would just have to learn to put up with it. Just like he has always done. Roy stood up from his chair and looked at Riza who was watching the Elric brothers fight.

"Riza… you know that Edward is never going to agree to this…"

"I know, but what's done is done. And besides, if we give it some time maybe Edward will soften up about the idea and actually start to like being in a family." Riza said with a smile. She was always so optimistic about these things. Riza was determined to get Edward to agree. She knew what a tough time these boys were facing but it was all for the better.

"Are you sure you still want to go through with this Riza?" Roy asked sternly. He had hoped she would have changed her mind seeing that Ed was against the idea. But he knew what her answer would be.

"Yes. I want to be a mother to these boys." Riza said happily.

"Damn, alright… well I guess if you still want to then, I have no choice but to be a father to them…" Roy mumbled.

"Edward!" Roy yelled sternly to get the young boy's attention.

Ed looked over his shoulder to see Roy standing at his desk looking serious. He stopped arguing with Alphonse for a moment to see what the bastard wanted now.

"You two can stop your bickering. It has been decided. You are being adopted by myself and Riza. That is final."

Edward's jaw dropped. He thought Roy was against this whole thing and would never accept it. Why had he changed his mind all of a sudden? He thought about it for a minute, and then it hit him. This whole time he thought Roy was against it, but actually he was enjoying every moment of it and that was because Roy was out to make Ed's life a living hell! Ed would not be defeated by Roy; Oh no it was Edward who would make Roy's life a living hell! If Roy thought he had any chance at beating Ed at his own game then he had another thing coming. Ha ha nice thinking there Colonel… But once again I the Fullmetal Alchemist have out smarted you. I'll play along with your little charade. As soon as we get home it's going to be an all out war. Just you wait. Edward thought as a smile crossed his lips.

"Brother! You are agreeing?" Alphonse said as he noticed an evil smile on his brother's face. …That can't be good. When Ed gets that look on his face he has something planned. But I can never figure out what… Well I guess if he agrees to this then there is no harm.

"Sure Al… if you want to be a family and have a mother and father, then I agree. I'm doing this all for you though. Even though I think we are still fine on our own."

"Thank you brother!! We can make this family work! I just know it!" Alphonse said excitedly. He still couldn't believe that Ed agreed. But they were finally going to be a family…well part of a family. Al was happy. He wanted this to work out for him and his brother.

"Well then since that is settled. Edward why don't you come over here and give your Daddy Mustang a great big hug?" Roy said sarcastically as he held out his arms waiting for Edward's reply.

"You bastard!! I will never hug you!! NEVER EVER!!!!"

"Aw that hurts your daddy so… How about calling me Daddy Mustang then to make up for not giving me a hug?" Roy said with his famous smirk. Even though he still didn't want to be Edward's father he would have fun with this.

"Gaah! That is even worse that giving you a hug!!! Die bastard!!" Edward said as he lunged towards Roy.

"B-Brother… Don't destroy the room!" Al yelled.

"Well this looks like it is turning out well. Don't you think Alphonse?" Riza asked with a smile.

"Well… at least they are talking…" Alphonse replied with a sigh.

**Interesting chapter huh? See you all in Ch 3!!**

**Review Please!! **


	3. New Home

**Hi Everyone!! chapter 3 is here!! I hope you all enjoy it!! I want to thank everyone for all the wonderful reviews! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fma yada yada yada...**

Ch 3

About two hours later Roy was finally rid of Edward. It took a while to get the brothers out of his office but he did it. This whole thing wasn't going as well as he would have hoped.

"Isn't it wonderful Roy?" Riza said with a smile as she handed Roy a cup of coffee.

"What that I survived Edward's tantrum in my office or that I haven't strangled him yet?" Roy replied as he took the cup out of Riza's hand.

"No that those two finally have some adult guidance. Every time I look at them I think about how much they have missed out on an actual childhood. I want them to have that. To enjoy being children, at least for a while."

"Riza… you do understand that Ed is sixteen and almost an adult?"

"I know, but for a little while anyway I want him to actually feel like a child. Well Roy I have to go and tidy up at the house. The boys are going to be staying with us now so they need a place to sleep." Riza said as she walked toward the office door.

"What?"

"Oh I thought you would have known. Since they are now our adopted sons, they need to liv-"

"No Riza! They have their own room here at H.Q. and our tiny apartment can barely hold us let alone a full suit of armor and a shrimp! Well maybe a shrimp… but still!" Roy exclaimed. He didn't like the fact now the two boys would be sleeping at his house.

"Roy… you did know that when we adopted the boys that they would be living with us?" Riza asked as she turned around to look at him.

"Well…"

"You really thought that they wouldn't be living with us?"

"…well I'm new to this whole thing…"

Riza sighed. She walked back over to his desk and put her arm around Roy's shoulder. She kissed him on his cheek.

"Roy, I know that this is still a big adjustment but please try to act excited. I know that your still not thrilled about this but if you don't want to do this for the boys can you at least do it for me?" Riza asked as she batted her eyes and made a sad face. She knew that Roy couldn't resist this face.

'damn she's making that face… she knows that I can't resist it… may as well at least act excited, if I can piss Edward off in the process then it will make me feel a little better….' Roy thought.

"Alright, I will do it for you dear." Roy mumbled as he ran his hand through his black hair. Riza smiled and gave Roy another kiss.

"Thank you" Riza said as she turned back around and walked toward the door. She grabbed the gold colored door knob and turned it opening the door. Before she walked out she glanced over her shoulder to Roy who was looking at her.

"Oh I forgot to mention, that you need to bring the boys home today. So after you finish up here go and get them. Bye!" Riza said as she hurriedly closed the door behind her.

"Gahh… Riza…" Roy mumbled.

* * *

"No way in hell Al. I said I would accept them as our new parents… or whatever you call them but there is no way I am sleeping in the same house as that bastard!" Edward yelled. He had just found out the other part of the arrangement. He and Al now had to live with their new parents. Ed wasn't happy about having them as parents but now he was very unhappy that he had to go and live with them. 

"Brother! You knew that being adopted meant that we would have to live with them didn't you?"

"…."

"Your hopeless brother. If you adopted a child they would be living with you no matter how old they were."

"Who said I was adopting anything?!"

"I was trying to make a point… But Ed…"

"No! I bet Mustang feels the same way!"

"Feels the same way about what?" Roy answered as he opened the door to the brother's room.

"… What the hell do you want?"

"Aw, Ed you shouldn't be talking to me like that. After all I am your Daddy Mustang." Roy replied with his famous smirk.

"GO THE HELL AWAY!!" Ed yelled as he lunged (yet again) towards Roy hoping that he could push him into the hallway. Before he could push him into the hall way Al grabbed Edward around his waist and picked him up.

"Al what the hell!? Let me go!"

Al sighed and looked at Roy who was trying not to laugh.

"Well if you are done throwing yet another fit Edward, I have to take you two home with me…" Roy mumbled. At this rate what Roy saw Edward doing here would be ten times worse as soon as he got them to his house.

"We're ready to go!" Alphonse said as he slung Edward over his shoulder and picked up their suitcase.

"Hey Al!! Let me go!!" Edward yelled as he pounded his fists on the back of his brother.

"No brother. Because if I let you go you will refuse to come along." Al replied as he followed Roy.

"Ha ha. Thank you Al, for saving me the trouble of carrying him all the way to our house. It's just a little further down this street." Roy said as he continued walking the narrow sidewalks of central.

* * *

They arrived at Roy's house too see Riza sitting on the steps waiting for them. 

"There you are! I thought something was going to go wrong." Riza said happily as she stood up from the steps and walked over to Roy. She noticed Ed was being carried over Alphonse's shoulder and figured that he was having a hard time.

"Well boys here is your new home. Come on I'll show you around." Riza said as she turned and walked up the steps into the house.

"Now Ed, Can you be a good little boy and behave yourself for your Daddy Mustang?" Roy said sarcastically with a smile.

"Go to hell with your Daddy Mustang crap! I already said I would never call you that!!" Edward said getting angry.

"Brother…"

"Can Al at least put you down without you trying to lunge at me?"

"Sure if he wants too. But If I were you Colonel I would hurry my ass up and get into the house…"

"What does that mea-" Roy watched Edward as he knocked Al to the ground and got off of his shoulder. He clapped his hands and placed them on the ground. Suddenly the ground began to rumble and start collapsing underneath Roy's feet. He began falling along with the pieces of the sidewalk. Roy jumped onto another falling piece of cement and reached for the edge. He grabbed it and hung on as he watched the remaining pieces fall into a large pit.

"Let's see you get outta this one!" Edward said evilly as he smiled watching Roy hold on to the edge.

"Brother!! Why do you have to be so mean!" Alphonse cried.

"I'm not mean. I'm just making Mustang's life a living hell. Just like he's planning on making mine into one." Edward replied.

'Oh so that is what this is about… Okay then Ed. I wasn't planning on it but now that you have revealed your true intentions I shall give it all I got and make sure your life is just as miserable as mine.' Roy thought. He wasn't going to let this kid get the best of him.

"Alright Ed. If you want to play then I'll play. But don't think I am going to take it easy on you at all." Roy used his other hand and pushed himself up onto the stable part of the sidewalk. He was away from the large pit he was hanging over. Roy stood up brushed his coat off and glared at Ed. Ed glared right back.

"You know what his means, right Ed?"

"Oh yes I do."

"This means WAR!" The two said in unison as they both pointed their fingers at one another.

"Brother…ah never mind." Al mumbled as he made his way into the house. He didn't want any part of this. But he knew that he would be dragged into it somehow…

"This is going to be one long night…"

**Review Please!**

**Ah the twists and crazyness continues in ch 4!! **

**See you al in ch 4!! **


	4. Tour

**Hi Everyone!! Chapter 4 is here!! I hope you all enjoy it!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fma yada yada yada...**

Ch 4

"And over hear is the living room." Riza said as she pointed to the small room with a couch and a chair sitting there looking lonely. The apartment was a grey color. Being newlyweds meant a lot of work and Roy didn't have enough time to re-paint the whole apartment. He was preoccupied with other annoying nuisances. Mainly Edward. On the walls there were a few pictures of military people in uniform looking sternly. There was also a picture of Roy's with his squad. The other rooms mainly the living room and the dining room didn't have many pictures on their walls. It made the little apartment look depressing.

"Ya sure this place is big enough to hold your big ego there Colonel?" Ed snickered as Riza continued the tour of their apartment.

"Are you sure that you won't get lost in here? Being a shrimp and everything?" Okay, Roy will admit that that wasn't the best comeback he has had today, but spending 24/7 with Edward will make you need new comebacks every time Ed spews a remark out of his mouth. Roy needs some new material. Alas the shrimp remark did make Ed angry.

"Who you callin a shrimp that will get lost in this tiny place!!??" Ed yelled.

"Brother…."

"Now, Edward… I'm sure that Roy is sorry for calling you a shrimp. Right honey?"

"Oh Of course I'm calling you a shrimp."

"Gahhahah Die!!!" Edward yelled as he yet again lunged toward Roy with his automail sword. Roy quickly had his hand in the snapping position ready to release a fury of flames when suddenly a shot rang out. The two stopped dead in their tracks. They slowly turned their heads and looked at Riza who was holding her gun up in the air.

"That's enough. All you two have been doing is fighting ever since you have found out about the adoption. Make up right now. If not you'll be dealing with me." Riza said sternly. Her attitude suddenly changed. Ed forgot how strict and stern Riza could be. Maybe it was her happy not caring attitude that threw Ed off from her real nature.

Al at this point was huddled in a corner slowly rocking himself back and forth mumbling

"They're all insane… They're all insane…" All Al wanted was to have a normal family life, with normal parents and a normal brother. But as usual nothing was ever normal for the brothers.

"Riza… I-"

"Make up now. Don't make me use this gun again…" Riza said as she cut Roy off.

Roy gulped. If there was one thing he was afraid of it was Riza with a loaded gun. He too seemed to have forgotten her real nature. Even though he was now married to her he knew what she was capable of.

"Uh… cough'sorry'cough" Roy mumbled.

"Yea… cough'same'cough" Ed mumbled too.

"Good." Okay so it wasn't the exact apology Riza was looking for but she got them to at least say sorry… or some form of it. Either way Riza was pleased that she could get the two to even say that to each other. She put her gun back into her stealth, looked at Ed and Roy. She smiled once again.

"Okay. Now since the tour is over I am going to make you all dinner! You three can sit here in the living room while I go cook!" Riza said happily as she made her way into the kitchen.

The three were stunned that she could go from being nice to 'Ima gonna kick your ass if you don't listen' to nice again.

"Um what just happened?" Ed said.

"I think that she's moody?"

"Why would she be moody? Al asked. He was back to his old self again.

"Maybe it's her time of the month…?"

"Her what?" Ed questioned. There was a long silence.

'Good God these two have no idea about women or anything! Oh no… what if they have no idea about… about… sex? No there is no way I will ever speak to these two about that. No way in hell.' Roy thought. That was a scary idea. Roy speaking to these boys about… you know…

"Nothing never mind…"

"I wanna know Daddy!" Al said happily.

"Believe me no you don't. Daddy?"

"Well you are my father now right? So I figured that I should start calling you Dad or Daddy?" Al replied.

"Al Don't call him dad!!" Ed exclaimed.

"Well I guess that's appropriate. Would you call me Daddy Mustang? Maybe if you did that then Edward would start too." Roy said smirking.

"Hell no! I won't ever start calling you that!!! Don't do it Al!!! Don't succumb to peer pressure!!!"

"Aw Ed. I like it! And I'm not succumbing to peer pressure. Where do you get these ideas from? Okay from now on I shall call you Daddy Mustang!" Al said excited.

"That's my boy." Roy said.

"Gaahh Al…. alright enough of this crap I wanna know what's the big secret?"

"Uh… It's not a secret or anything… it's just that it's a woman's business and you don't need to know about it."

"Then why do you know about it Colonel?" Ed asked with a smile.

"Because I… uh…" 'Crap there he goes again pestering the hell outta me about something totally irrelevant. It was my fault actually… I should have kept my mouth shut. Stupid!'

"Don't tell me that you know because your actually a woman?" Ed said still smiling. Oh Ed was enjoying this. He's giving Roy all he's got. And he's not going to go easy on him either.

"Brother! Don't say that Daddy Mustang is a woman! He's not you can clearly tell! …. Wait, then how do you know Daddy Mustang?"

"Because… Riza told me. Once you're married you have no secrets." Roy replied.

"Ah… well then seeing as Riza is our new mother she would be happy to enlighten us. You know cause now were family and all…" Ed snickered as he started walking toward the kitchen.

"Oh Rizaaa!" Ed said with a smile. Roy grabbed Ed from behind and picked him up. He put his hand over his mouth so Riza couldn't hear him.

"Mmmmf ghhh!!" Ed mumbled.

"Did Edward call me?" Riza asked as she walked out of the kitchen. She was wearing a pink apron with small flowers embroidered on the pocket. She was also carrying a spoon and a cooking book.

"Uh… all he wanted to know was when dinner would be ready. That's all." Roy said with a laugh.

"Oh, in a few minutes." Riza said with a smile as she walked back into the kitchen.

Roy put Edward back on the ground as he bit Roy's hand to let go of his mouth.

"That hurt shrimp."

"What the hell?! Don't call me shrimp!!!!!"

" Save it. I'm tired enough of you shenanigans today. Listen don't say anything to her and I'll buy you whatever you want."

"Anything? Hey… your bribing me aren't ya?" Ed said.

"Yes so what… just keep your mouth shut."

"It's not going to be that easy. Besides I don't want anything."

"Than what can I do to make you stop?"

"You know that honeymoon you're going on?"

"…. What about it?"

"Well now that you have us your forced to take us naturally. But I don't want to have to stay in the same room as you."

"Okay whatever… You can have your own room…"

"And… I want room service whenever I want and the most expensive food that you can buy."

"Brother… I'm sure that Daddy Mustang doesn't have that kind of money."

Al was right. Roy is usually broke. Unless Riza had some endless supply of money that she didn't tell him about. There was now way that He could buy all of this for Ed.

"No."

"Oh Rizaaa!"

"Alright… I'll see what I can do… geeze."

"That's what I thought." Ed said crossing his arms over his chest and smiling. Soon he would have Roy wrapped around his finger and having him do what he wanted.

"Boy's dinner is ready!" Riza called."

**Review Please!! **

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!**

**What crazyness awaits our new family? Find out more in chapter 5!!**

**See you all in chapter 5!!! **


	5. Dinner

**Hi Everyone!! Sorry for the long wait! I bring you chapter 5!! **

**I hope you all enjoy it!! Oh and I have been getting alot of coments about is Al still in his armor or is he human? Well just to make it easier on the plot he is back in his body. So no armor Al in this story!**

**I also wanted to thank everyone for leaving such wonderful reviews!! Thank you so much!! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fma... yada...yada...yada...**

Ch 5

The newly formed family's first dinner was quite nice actually… well until Edward "accidentally" flung some of his mashed potatoes at Roy. Roy shielded himself with his plate of food spilling his dinner all over his lap. Then while Ed was laughing at Roy, Roy sneakily threw something back at Ed. The food throwing continued until Riza pulled out her gun again and shot a few bullets. The two said a pathetic apology once again to each other. Riza was satisfied with the half assed apology because it was the only one she would get out of them. After they were done eating Riza assigned Roy and Ed to wash the dishes as punishment for ruining her dinner. Al didn't have to do any chores because he was the "good" child.

"Damn it, why do I have to wash dishes…" Roy mumbled as he took his hands out of the soapy water to hand Ed the clean dish.

"It's because you started the food fight." Edward replied as he took the dish off of Roy to dry it.

"Me? You were the one who flung potatoes at me first. I was just defending myself."

"Ha! Defending yourself from what? The great Flame Alchemist can't even stand a little speck of potatoes on his shirt?"

"At least I drink my milk. That's the problem with you; you're so short because you don't drink milk. If you drank all your milk I bet you would be as tall as a…bean sprout!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BEAN SPROUT!!!???"

"Y…O…U"

"That's IT!!!" Edward yelled. He threw the yellow colored dish towel on the floor, grabbed the hose that was attached to the sink and held it up pointing it at Roy.

"Oh, so you are going to spray me with water now? You really think that a little bit of water will hurt me?"

"Oh Yes… Yes I do…" Edward said as he clapped his hands and transmuted the nozzle of the hose into a longer tube with a handle on the side. It looked like a firefighting hose.

"Now… Don't you dare release that handle" Roy said as he looked at the hose closer.

Grasping the handle Edward moved it forward a tiny bit making a clicking noise.

"Ed, I'm warning you…"

"Oh I thought a little water couldn't hurt you?"

"Don't do I-" Roy was cut off by a louder clicking noise as a smile appeared on Ed's face he looked up and said,

"Too late." Water came rushing out of the hose hitting Roy and sending him backwards into the kitchen wall.

"Ha ha! No one calls me small and gets away with it!" Edward said as he continued firing water at Roy. Roy slowly crawled along the floor keeping low, so Edward wouldn't see him.

'I'll get him. Just you wait Ed…' Roy thought as he neared the blonde boy.

Edward was too preoccupied with hitting Roy (actually hitting the empty wall where he thought Roy was) to notice that Roy was right underneath his feet. Even though Roy was known for his Flame alchemy he did know how to do other transmutations. He carefully drew a small transmutation circle right next to Ed's feet. He pushed his hands on the ground and the circle began to change color as steel bars flew up from the ground making a cage around Ed.

"What the hell!?" Edward yelled as he turned off the water and saw that Roy was no longer being pelted with water.

"Damn it Roy!" Ed yelled angrily as he looked down on the ground to see him sitting there smiling.

Edward clapped his hands and placed them on the steel bars. He removed the steel bars and escaped from the cage.

"You think that a cage can hold me?"

"Oh no I just wanted to stop you. But I think this can hold you for now shrimp!" Roy said as he pressed his hands on another transmutation circle. This time the floor around Edward's feet began to fall around him as he fell into a hole that Roy had made for him. It wasn't a very wide hole but it was fairly deep about five feet deep. It's pretty easy to get out of (If your Ed) Roy didn't mean to make it easy, but when your dealing with some one like Edward you have to do everything to stop him. And besides this kind of alchemy, wasn't his specialty. Flame alchemy was. Ed looked up from the hole as a steel door started to slide over the opening.

"Damn it! You can't do that!! You cheated!!!"

"Aw, is the little shrimp upset because the tables have turned on him? Remember nothing is fair in war." Roy said with a chuckle.

"What is going on in here?!" Riza shouted as she entered the kitchen. Her jaw dropped as she saw the whole kitchen was drenched with water. She scanned the room and saw that her floor was broken up around some steel door.

"Roy Mustang what the hell have you done?"

"Riza… Dear, it wasn't my fault! You see Edward was the one who started this whole thing, with the water and then-"

"Stop… where is Edward?" Riza asked.

"Riza!! Oh Riza I am in here!! He trapped me in this hole!!" Ed said sadly.

Riza walked over to the steel door and looked down at Edward who was sitting with his arms wrapped around his knees looking like he was about to cry.

'Great now he's an actor…' Roy thought.

"Oh Ed! Roy get him out of here this instant!"

"Er…" With a sigh Roy nodded his head as he removed the steel door from the hole.

Edward climbed out of the hole with the help of Riza.

"Are you alright?" Riza asked.

"I guess so." Ed replied.

"Geeze Roy, you are supposed to be a father figure. You aren't supposed to be trapping your kids in a hole in your kitchen!"

"Well Riza…"

"Ed, go get yourself cleaned up. It's bed time."

"Bed time? What the hell is this? I don't need a bed time."

"Yes you do. Now go get cleaned up. I will be in, in a few minutes. After I talk to Roy" Riza said shooing Edward away.

"Damn it…." Before Ed left the kitchen he turned his head and smirked at Roy.

Alphonse who was reading a book heard all the commotion and walked toward the kitchen when he saw Ed leave the kitchen laughing.

"Brother… what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything…bad."

"Brother…"

"I did it because he called me short!"

"Ed… you know that he's going to be really mad at you."

"Bah, remember earlier tonight? We vowed that this would be an all out war. I'm not going to go easy on him and I doubt he's not going to go easy on me. So there."

"You're such a kid Ed."

"You're a kid too Al, and I'm not a kid…" Ed replied as he patted his brother on his head. Al smiled and looked at Edward with his brown eyes. He was happy that they were part of…er considered a family, but this family still had a long way to go if they were ever going to be considered normal.

"So what the hell is bed time?" Ed asked.

"What? You don't remember when mom would tuck us into bed and read us a story?"

"I remember that. You mean that Riza will tuck us into bed and read us a story?"

"Well yea, Roy will probably do it too."

"No way in hell am I going to let him tuck me in. He'll probably try tucking me in so tight that he'll suffocate me."

"Ha ha brother. I'm sure he won't do that."

"Well if he does I have a plan ready for him. Come on Al let's get ready for bed." Edward said as he hurried off into the bedroom.

"Oh no… brother…"

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!!**

**What does Edward have planned for Roy? And what is Riza going to say to Roy? Fin out in the next exciting chapter!!**

**See you all in Chapter 6!!**

**Review Please!! **


	6. Bed time story

**Reading your stories like never before!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fma or The Little Mermaid or Peter Pan...**

Ch 6

"And so… Peter Pan lived happily ever after with the wild boars and cannibals thus becoming the new king of Cannibal Island."

"What the hell kind of a story was that?" Edward yelled as Roy closed the book.

"What do you mean? It was a bed time story. I read it just like Riza forced me too…"

" You expect me to believe that Peter Pan became king of the Cannibals?"

"Yes, I do."

"Brother… can't you just accept that that's how Daddy Mustang decided to end the story?"

"… Damnit! You can't just change the ending!" Ed yelled as he threw his pillow at Roy's face. Roy ducked managing to miss the pillow.

"Read something else!" Ed said as he stole Al's pillow and prepared to throw it at Roy.

"… Fine" Roy mumbled angrily as he threw the Peter Pan book down on the floor. He picked up another one. It read The Little Mermaid… 'Why the hell do I have to do this? Damnit Riza…'

Well when we last left our happy little family. Riza was furious that Roy who was supposed to be a father to the boys had locked Edward down in a homemade hole in her kitchen. First off you can't lock your child in a hole, because it's some form of child abuse… or so Riza read. And secondly you still can't lock your child in a hole, because according to this one author the child will have anger issues or something… and yes it's still a form of child abuse. (But Ed already has anger… er some sort of issues, maybe a short complex?) Since the hole in the kitchen incident which happened about a half hour ago… Riza grabbed all the books she borrowed from the library which were about a dozen or so… and she picked out random passages from a book called

"A hundred and one ways to not be a child abusing father."

That made her point about how children aren't supposed to be locked in a hole. Riza really didn't read all of the books. She just opened to a random page and picked a few interesting passages that stated all of the dangers of child abuse… Riza was pretty proud of herself for springing all of her newly found information on a very clueless Roy… (Or so she thought.)

Anyways Riza scolded Roy abut the dangers of child abuse and under no circumstances are you EVER allowed to lock your child in a hole NEVER EVER. That's what Roy got out of Riza's lecture. With all of that said Riza then instructed Roy to go in and be a "good" father to the boys. She then pulled out another book which was titled "A hundred and one ways to be a good (non child abusing) father" It's a sequel to the other book. Go figure…

The two argued for about fifteen minutes and finally Roy gave up… er… was forced to give up because of circumstances… Riza pulled out her gun and pointed it at his head. That was clear enough to Roy that he had lost this argument. Riza smiled and pushed Roy into the boy's room. Where Edward was waiting with a bucket of water to douse the flame alchemist with as soon as he entered the room. And needless to say that Roy was indeed doused with water and quickly got into another fight with Ed. Which ended up with Riza firing more bullets into the air and her forcing Roy to read a story. 'I swear… one of these days, I am going to get rid of her gun…'

Edward threw Al's pillow at Roy's face. Roy snapped back to reality. He glared at Ed.

"Come on! Read the next story!"

"Brother…"

"Fine… The next story is called The _LITTLE_ mermaid." Roy said putting much emphasis on the word little.

"What did you call me?" Edward growled.

"I didn't call you anything Ed. The story is called The _LITTLE _mermaid. That's all."

"… Brother… please let Daddy Mustang read the story, I want to hear it…"

"Fine if it's for you Al. There better be no funny business."

"Alright, Once Upon a time there was an under water city called Atlantica. Where the Mermaid king Triton (AKA Roy) ruled with an iron fist. The king had a daughter named Ariel(AKA ED) who was one of the smallest mermaids around. Ariel always obeyed her father until one day she decided to swim up to the surface. Her companions a crab named Sebastian, and a fish named Flounder said not to go but she didn't listen. S-"

"Pfft… That's lame. Gimme that book." Edward grabbed the book out of Roy's hands and continued reading it.

"So Ariel made her way to the surface hoping she could at least see the walking people who lived among the land of the air. So Ariel poked her head out from underneath the ocean water and to her amazement saw a fiery ship sailing on top of the water. Ariel was amazed that such a thing was allowed on the surface. It seemed so… Evil. Ariel liked it. All her life everyone was making fun of her for being small and weak and how she couldn't do anything. Well they were wrong… Ariel would over throw her father and become the ruler of Atlantica, and then she would take over the walking people and the land of air.

Ariel made her way back down to Atlantica to search for the evil octopus lady, Ursula (AKA Riza) Ursula was known for being nice and sweet, but then when things didn't go her way or just when she didn't like things the way they were she would turn into some sadistic person making everyone obey her will. Ariel told her about her plan to overthrow her father and then take over both worlds. Ursula smiled and said she would help the little mermaid. U-"

"Brother… I don't think that's how the story goes… or is supposed to go…" Al said.

"Fine then! You read it." Ed complained as he handed Al the book.

"Okay, so Ursula told Ariel to come back in a day after she had really given the plan some thought. Ursula didn't know what to do! She really was a nice person but since she gets mad easily her anger side always showed. She didn't want to help take over Atlantica or the land of Air. Bu-"

"Boring!" Ed said as he stole the book back form his brother.

"Anyways Ursula who took a nap had just woken up, she told Ariel that she would be happy to oblige. Ursula gave Ariel some magic potion and said that if she drank this potion then Ariel would transform into a giant who could take over both worlds at once. But there would be a price. And she would find out the price after she agreed. Ariel could care less about the price and she agreed. So Ariel drank the green bubbly potion and she started to grow, and grow, and grow, and grow, until she sprouted up from under the water and into the sky in the land of air.

Taking the book off of Ed, Riza randomly showed up and began reading the remainder of the story.

Ariel was about to crush the little city of Atlantica with her fin when suddenly Ursula Sprouted out of the water and into the sky next to Ariel.

"What are you doing?" Ariel yelled.

"I said there was a price to pay. Since you used my potion I have every right to take over this world. And it will do quite nicely. And first I must get rid of you!" Ursula said. She used one of her tentacles and picked up the fiery ship and picked up one of the cannons. She aimed the cannon at Ariel and POW released a cannon ball. Ariel fell back into the water. Turning back into a small mermaid… but wait when she reached her original size she kept getting smaller and smaller until she was so small that she couldn't even be seen by her father. And so Ariel learned a valuable lesson the small and weak will always lose to the bigger more powerful eviler people.

The End.

"…. Riza, I am really sure that is not how the story ends." Roy said staring at his wife. Ed and Al just looked at each other and then at Riza. One thing was sure none of the guys were ever going to make Riza extremely pissed off anytime soon.

"So what's next?"

**Reivew Please!!! **

**So I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I got a bit lazy and just wanted to finish this chapter up (that's why theres only one bed time story). So More bed time stories next chapter. I promise! **

**See you all in Chapter 7!!**


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